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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Dark Avengers #1

Dark Avengers #1

690 AD

At the Castle of Morgan le Fay, the Arthurean era sorceress is peering into her cauldron to see where her betrayor, Doctor (Victor Von) Doom is hiding from her.[2] She is shown a vision of the future and sees the Cabal — an organization formed by Norman Osborn — to shape the world following the recent Skrull invasion of Earth.[3] Seeing this, Morgan glowers angrily.

The Present

After taking over as the head of National Security, Norman Osborn has formed his own team of Avengers. They are the Iron Patriot, Ms. Marvel, Spider-Man, Hawkeye, Wolverine, Captain Marvel, Ares, and the Sentry. The audience cheers this new roster little knowing that these Avengers are more than they appear to be.

One Week Ago

Soon after being given his position, Norman Osborn is looking at a SHIELD helicarrier that was under construction. He is met by Victoria Hand, a former SHIELD agent who believed she was out of a job when the spy agency was dissolved.[4] Osborn tells her that she will be his Deputy Director for the new organization he is calling HAMMER. When she asks what the acronym stands for, Osborn says that it will be her job to figure that out.[5] He also wants her to get him a list of everyone suitable for the new team of Avengers he wants to form. Those who have reservations working for him are to be replaced. He also wants the 50-State Initiative reviewed and Camp Hammond stripped down and a new base built.[6] He also wants this helicarrier — built when Tony Stark was SHIELD director — scrapped for a new based of operations of his own design.[7] This is when Victoria mentions how outspoken she was of both Nick Fury and Tony Stark when they were both in charge.[8] This is exactly why Norman wants her as his right hand. Victoria takes the job, but asks what will happen with Maria Hill.

Six Days Ago

Norman then calls a meeting with Maria Hill at his office at Thunderbolts Mountain in Colorado.[9] He wanted to meet with her personally to fire her from her job. Maria was expecting this and tells him that he will ultimately crash and burn and when he does, she’ll be there to laugh her ass off. With that, Hill bows and then walks out of the meeting.

He then calls a meeting with Bullseye, whom he commends for his actions during the Skrull invasion.[10] With his current medication is working well, he has decided to promote Bullseye and take him to New York. When the assassin asks what is in New York, Osborn says Avengers Tower. After considering this for a moment, a huge smile lights onto Bullseye’s face.

Five Days Ago

Ms. Marvel (Carol Danvers) arrives at Avengers Tower to discover Norman Osborn waiting for her inside. When he asks if she is reporting for Avengers duty, she says she only answers to Tony Stark. Norman reminds her that Stark is out and when she asks how he is in Tony’s home, Norman explains how Stark used SHIELD funds to rebuild Avengers Tower when it was damaged during the Hulk attack.[11] As a result, it is owned by SHIELD, and now that he runs SHIELD, it is his. That’s when Carol says she resigns from the Avengers. Osborn counters this by reminding her that, as a member of the military, she has to follow orders.

Another retort, that there are no more Avengers, Osborn disagrees when both Ares and the Sentry (Bob Reynolds) enter the room. Carol questions what they are doing siding with Norman Osborn. Bob explains that he lives at Stark Tower and that Norman is helping him, but can’t explain how. Ares tells Carol that she is putting her ego before her duty. Danvers cannot believe what she is hearing and after Norman threatens to court-martial her, she flies through the window to flee the scene. When the Sentry asks if he should go after her, Norman says she’ll eventually come around and besides, there can be more than one Ms. Marvel.[12]

Later, back at Thunderbolts Mountain, Norman finds Moonstone (Karla Sofen) meditating outside. He tosses her a Ms. Marvel costume and tells her that she will be on his new team of Avengers. Karla doesn’t understand why she can’t still use her Moonstone identity, but Norman insists that she be his Ms. Marvel. Considering the offer she agrees but when she asks if she’ll still be team leader, Osborn has ghosted on her.

Norman then goes to the holding cells within Thunderbolts Mountain. There, a Skrull prisoner is tossed into Venom (Mac Gargan’s cell). Hiding in the shadows, Venom asks the Skrull to shapeshift into the form of Spider-Man and then violently eats the alien. When Osborn enters the room he asks Mac to drink a formula his scientists set up, saying it will make him more presentable. Venom doesn’t trust Norman at first but agrees when he is offered the chance to be allowed out into the world. Drinking the concoction causes Mac and his symbiote to scream in agony the alien creature is reshaped. When the process is done, Venom looks exactly like Spider-Man. Pleased by this, Gargan says he takes back everything bad he has ever said about Norman in the past.[13]

Four Days Ago

Daken Akihiro has stepped into a diner in New Orleans to find Norman Osborn and Ares waiting for him inside. Norman says that he hasn’t come from any trouble. Daken wants to know what the job is and Norman laughs that someone who beat up Wolverine has to ask. Daken says that his animosity toward his father is a private matter. Ares finds it amazing that a woman would have had a child with Wolverine and let it live, insulting Akihiro.[14] Ignoring this, Norman says he wants to hire Daken full time. When asked why he should do this, Osborn says the main reason is that it would piss off his father.

Three Days Ago

Norman then goes to the Cube prison to meet with Noh-Varr, aka Marvel Boy, who has been imprisoned there for months.[15] Osborn questions what Noh-Varr is trying to do on Earth, given that he claimed to want to conquer it. Yet, during the Skrull invasion, he came to Earth’s defense.[16] That’s when Norman reaches out with an opportunity to continue being Earth’s defender as his Captain Marvel.

With his team mostly formed, Norman Osborn holds a meeting at Avengers Tower with the group and Victoria Hand. Looking at a portrait of the Avengers, Osborn can’t help but feel something is missing from his team. Ares points out that they are missing the symbolism. He points to Captain America and Iron Man — the soldier and the knight — who, while mortals, are more than mere men. That’s when Victoria tells him that his 3 o’clock appointment has arrived.

With Ares and Ms. Marvel accompanying him, Norman goes to meet with the corporate terrorist known as the Ghost. Although Norman represents the very establishment he fights again, his hatred of Tony Stark and the opportunity to explore Avengers Tower was too good an opportunity to pass up. Norman has a job for him and if he succeeds he has another offer for him.[17] He has the Ghost crack one of Tony Stark’s massive vaults, revealing multiple suits of Iron Man armor kept inside.[18]

This Morning

A HAMMER team is returning the recently liberated Doctor Doom back to his native Latveria.[19] Arriving at the ruins of his castle, Doom spies Morgan le Fay waiting for him and the pair engage in mystical battle with one another.

Now

Back at the Avengers press meeting the Iron Patriot takes off his helmet, revealing that he is none other than Norman Osborn himself. He tells the cheering crowd that he endorses these Avengers!

Recurring Characters

Dark Avengers (Iron Patriot, Ms. Marvel (Soften), Spider-Man, Hawkeye, Wolverine, Ares, Captain Marvel, Sentry), Doctor Doom, Morgan le Fay, the Cabal (Loki, Sub-Mariner, Emma Frost, the Hood), Maria Hill, Victoria Hand, HAMMER, Skrulls (in flashback) The Ghost, Ms. Marvel (Danvers)

Continuity Notes

  1. This issues cover pays homage to New Avengers #1.

  2. Morgan has an axe to grind with Doom since she taught him some magical secrets in Mighty Avengers #11 and he failed to reciprocate.

  3. This story takes place shortly after the events of Secret Invasion #1-8, when the Skrulls launched an all out invasion of Earth. Norman Osborn was hailed a hero after he was the one who killed the leader of the invasion. As a result, he was given the position of head of National Security in the US. He will maintain this role until Siege #4.

  4. SHIELD was heavily compromised during the Skrull invasion and Osborn dissolved it immediately and replaced it with his own organization, HAMMER. SHIELD will be reinstated following Siege #4.

  5. Time of this writing (October, 2024), the official title for HAMMER (if any) has yet to be revealed)

  6. Following the passage of the Super Human Registration Act (SHRA) in Civil War #3, the Initiative was formed to train novice superhumans to be government agents starting in Avengers: The Initiative #1. They were infiltrated and heavily compromised during the Skrull invasion. See Avengers: The Initiative #14-19. The organization will be put under the control of the Hood and Camp Hammond decommissioned in favor of a new base called Camp HAMMER. See Avengers: The Initiative #21-25.

  7. Stark was appointed as the new Director of SHIELD in New Avengers #25. However, lost this job because his technology was deeply compromised by the Skrull invasion. See Secret Invasion #1-8 (again).

  8. At the time of this story, Nick Fury had gone AWOL after it was revealed that he staged an illegal coup in Latveria in Secret War #1-5.

  9. Prior to being made the Director of National Security, Osborn was put in charge of the Thunderbolts starting in Thunderbolts #110.

  10. Bullseye had been consigned to the Thunderbolts at the same time Osborn was made director of that organization. For more on the Thunderbolts role in the invasion see also Thunderbolts #122-125.

  11. After being exiled to space from Incredible Hulk (vol. 2) #91 to 105, the Hulk came back to Earth to get revenge. During the battle, Avengers Tower was destroyed. See World War Hulk #1-5.

  12. From here, Carol becomes an outlaw hunted by Norman Osborn, as we’ll see in Ms. Marvel (vol. 2) #23-46.

  13. This one page splash of Venom disguised as Spider-Man pays homage to the cover of Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars #8.

  14. Daken has issue with his father, Wolverine, as he was indirectly responsible for the death of his mother — Itsu — while she was pregnant. Akihiro was rescued by a warlord named Romulus who molded the boy into a living weapon and set him against his father. See Wolverine: Origins #5.

  15. An other-dimensional explorer, Noh-Varr ended up stranded in this reality and imprisoned following the events of Marvel Boy (vol. 2) #1-6. Although he aspired to make Earth a new colony for the Kree empire, he’s mostly stuck to the Cube until now.

  16. Noh-Varr helped defend Earth during the Skrull invasion. See Secret Invasion: Who Do You Trust? #1, Mighty Avengers #19, and Secret Invasion #6-8.

  17. Namely, Norman taps the Ghost to be a member of his new team of Thunderbolts, as seen in Thunderbolts #128.

  18. And here we have the obligatory showcase of different Iron Man armors.

  19. Doom was arrested when his Venom Bomb was unleashed upon New York City. See Mighty Avengers #7-11.

Avengers Darkly

Avengers Darkly

Dark Avengers #2

Dark Avengers #2